God Bless Us, One and All!!

Tis the season, at the Alley Theatre, where they roll out Christmas Carol to the delight of many uneducated, rude, suburban, boring, easily-amused theatre-goers. For the rest of us, it is hell.

I had forgotten how many people I hate see Christmas Carol. I don’t know them personally but they know who they are.

First, there are the choirs that come from surrounding schools to fancy us with their incredible singing abilities and spread Christmas joy like a jackhammer to my skull. Actually, in all fairness, the fist time is nice. The second night is mildly pleasant. From there, my experiences with the death choirs slide off in scale until eventually, on December 26, the final choir comes in some vain attempt to sing carols the day after X-mas and you watch weary eyed people, people who have by this time had enough of the holidays as I have, stare at them with the same kind of Marilyn Manson hate that I have had, well, by tonight.

Next, come the families. You know who I am talking about: hordes of snot-rubbing children, grannys is wheelchairs, overly dressed mom in their green and red sweaters. The kind of people that X-mas has vomited on and someone forgot to clean up the mess. Every once in a while, I catch the eye of some college age person home for the holidays and obviously dragged here by said family. We look at each other for that moment; each with the same amount of pity. As by ESP, I can hear a faint, “Please kill me.”

I can’t forget about the company x-mas parties. What crazy fuck comes up with the idea to have their company x-mas party at the Alley and see Christmas Carol? I don’t want to discourage the Alley from any revenue, but ECK! People who come here for these parties seem to think that they own the place; they own the night. Woo Hoo, PARTY!! Really? You’re at the Alley, drunkboy. How great can your life be?

I must really have my Scrooge hat on tonight! Damn! I just referenced the damn show. Bah Humbug!