In life there are certain things you learn over time.

Never cut your hair when your drunk.

Never take a straight girl to a gay bar, they will get hit on more than you.

No, you can't defer your student loans until you die.

A #1 with cheese, whatasized, with a Dr. Pepper will not make your problems go away.

Making fun of people is fun; Karma is for pussies.

Never go food shopping when you're hungry, only go when you are full and on a tight budget.

Money IS everything.

If you are nice to a person just once, they seem to expect it every single time. Ug.

No matter how many channels they offer you, there is never anything to watch.

It's never a good idea to tell your bossjust exactly how hungover you are.

and

I will only accomplish about 20% of everything I ever want to do in life before I die.