Maria Todd is a neat freak. She drives a gold BMW and gets to park in the Alley Theatre driveway when she attends a show. I guess she gives them a lot of airtime on 104 KRBE in the mornings. Anyway, she always comes to the desk, tell me has parked there, I go outside and put a pass on her windshield, and then stare into her car for about 15 minutes hoping to find something interesting.

Nothing.

I saw on the news today that, historically, this week is this most depressing week of the year. Someone actually did research on this. They figure if you add up the post holiday blues, the depths of winter, new year resolutions being broken, the holiday bills starting to roll in, debt rising, etc., then you get the most depressing week of the year.

Huh, and I thought it was just me.

I just wanted everyone to know that I think that the process of completely losing my mind has begun. The next time you hear from me, they may only let me write letters with really really dull pencils.

In life there are certain things you learn over time.

Never cut your hair when your drunk.

Never take a straight girl to a gay bar, they will get hit on more than you.

No, you can't defer your student loans until you die.

A #1 with cheese, whatasized, with a Dr. Pepper will not make your problems go away.

Making fun of people is fun; Karma is for pussies.

Never go food shopping when you're hungry, only go when you are full and on a tight budget.

Money IS everything.

If you are nice to a person just once, they seem to expect it every single time. Ug.

No matter how many channels they offer you, there is never anything to watch.

It's never a good idea to tell your bossjust exactly how hungover you are.

and

I will only accomplish about 20% of everything I ever want to do in life before I die.

In life there are certain things you learn over time.

Never cut your hair when your drunk.

Never take a straight girl to a gay bar, they will get hit on more than you.

No, you can't defer your student loans until you die.

A #1 with cheese, whatasized, with a Dr. Pepper will not make your problems go away.

Making fun of people is fun; Karma is for pussies.

Never go food shopping when you're hungry, only go when you are full and on a tight budget.

Money IS everything.

If you are nice to a person just once, they seem to expect it every single time. Ug.

No matter how many channels they offer you, there is never anything to watch.

It's never a good idea to tell your bossjust exactly how hungover you are.

and

I will only accomplish about 20% of everything I ever want to do in life before I die.