When making out with a stranger, and said stranger says he does not want to take off his shirt, it is not alright to say, "It's okay, I like big guys."

Now, bring me tea and crumpets!

I had a great b-day weekend, followed by the worst week ever.

I was so happy to hang out with some old friends on Friday. They have toddlers, so I feel secure in calling them old friends. I am always worried when I see friends from a past life that things are going to feel awkward and unfamiliar; maybe even pushed in an effort to get these new lives to try to recognize each other. There may gave been a small glimmer of that feeling for me, but mostly years just shed away and I felt comfortable. It felt right. Thank you, Becky, Al, et al, for giving me a great kick start to the perfect weekend.

Next off to the Beer Cellar with my IBP family. I would love to give you all a complete run down of everything that happened, but I can't remember. I know I had a great time. I know that I ended up at a friend's house, my truck ended up at yet another friend's house. I was really hungover, but it was worth it. Tony, the oranges did help me to feel better, thank you.

I spent Sat night with James at the clubs. I was a little weary at first, literally, because of the hangover, but then everything shifted into overdrive and I had the time of my life. We went over to a friends house and ended up watching movies all night. I watch Magnolia while myself being pretty fucked up. It was great.

Sunday, I spent eating dinner and playing cards with Gevais and the Chase girls. You guys, I wouldn't know what to do without you. You are the best.

Tuesday, I caught strep throat. I have never felt this sick in my life. My fever got up to 103. I forced myself to get up Wednesday morning to go to the doctor, only I realized I had left my wallet at my Andrea's home, who lives outside the beltway. So I drove all the way out there, then all the way back, trying not to vomit. Finally saw the doctor and got my pills. Back home. Dennis is out of town all week in NYC, so at least he is in no danger of getting sick, but unfortunately for me, I am all alone. I hate it. I keep falling in and out of consciousness. Well, that part I actually like. Today, I am feeling a little better, I just wish the fever would go away. And, I wish something interesting would come on the TV. God, I am bored.

Life lesson #32: NEVER use super glue while naked.

So, tonight is the last night of me working the night desk at the Alley theatre. If I didn't have the worst cold known to man, I would be doing cartwheels around Bayou Place right now. All I really want to do is go home, get into bed, and watch reruns of The Golden Girls.

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Also, I have a birthday coming up and no idea how I want to celebrate. Any suggestions? If anyone wants to buy me a prostitute, it would be greatly appreciated.
That's just a joke. Kinda. Not really.

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Have you ever looked at your hands and thought, "these can't possibly belong to me"?

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I was thining today how funny it would be if gay marriage was legalized and we could go on Divorce Court. Can't you just imagine how funny that would be? "Your Honor, he would go out to the bathhouse everynight." "Well, he wasn't giving me what I needed at home, your Honor."

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Finally, I want you to know that I am seriously considering getting really drunk tonight, even though I have a cold and should go home to bed (and stop smoking). But, no. Not me. This is who I am, I don't do what is good for me. I'm like a spoiled child rebelling against parents that don't exist. Wish me luck.

Did I just use the phrase "mere microcosm?" That can't be right.

I am hungover. You would think from another wild night out of the town, but . . . oh no. I had to work at the Alley last night (of course) so I did not get out of here until 11:00 p.m. I had taped the Olympics because I wanted to watch the ladies figure skating competition. (I know, sometime I can be really really gay). Long story short, I was up until 2:30 a.m. at a friend’s house throwing back beers and watching figure skating.

I had a blast. I have to tell you, I went into the night hating the Russion, Slutskaya. But, then they played this retrospective on her life and career; turn out she has had more tragedy than Elizabeth Taylor. Her mother is dying from some kidney disease and she herself has some vascular disease that causes great fatigue; the doctors told her to stop skating but she powered on. Why does it always seem that the Russian skaters all have these horrific stories? Anyhow, I ended up hoping she would win over the annoying, arrogant Sasha Cohen. Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her. I am glad that the girl from Japan won; she deserved it.

On a side note, I am so manic about my blog. Somedays I think about quitting again and then otehr days I can't stop thinking about things I want to post. Of coruse, this could just be a reflection on my entire life and a mere microcosm of all things about me.

Wow, it has almost been a month since I have posted. What is up with that? I can report that I still do have a soul, despite several weeks working the front desk at the Alley theatre. I know I talk a lot of smack about how much I hate it, AND I DO, but I should also be grateful for having this opportunity to make some extra money and not have to do anything at all. I can say all of this now, because my latest tenure here will end on March 5th.

Commence dance of joy…….. now.

My friends and I have thrown some money into the pot and are betting each other who can lose the most weight over the next six months. There are four of us and at first we were playing every man for himself. That didn’t work out, so now we are in teams of two. Everything is going fine except for one thing: I cannot get out of bed in the mornings. I am really starting to believe that there is something seriously wrong with me; either physically or mentally. You know how some people can get up in the morning and maybe hit the snooze bar once. They then get out of the bed and yawn and stretch a little. They are up and ready for the day. This is not me. I hit the snooze bar about 15 times. When I finally get my eyes open, I say several curse words before throwing the covers back. I sit up and I feel like I have been hit by a truck; never have I felt rested and excited about the day ahead. I stumble around, finally getting to the shower. Then, it is rush rush rush because by this point I am late. I am always late for work. Always.

Nobody is allowed to talk to me until after 10:00a.m. My roommate, little Miss Mary Sunshine in the mornings, has not really ever learned this rule. Some days, I wait in my room waiting for him to leave just so I don’t have to talk to him, see him, or hear him talk. I want to kill people in the morning. He made the mistake and saying to me a few days ago, “Mornin’ Sunshine!” I almost hit him. Instead, I went into the kitchen and made some oatmeal using up all the remaining milk. Then, I watched him as he poured himself this heaping bowl of Special K cereal, sprinkled on some Splenda sweetener, and reached into the fridge for the milk. I silently ate my oatmeal. He turned and said, “You Bitch. You could have told me we were out of milk. I just giggled inside and walked off

Even the people at work have learned this rule. Nobody at work talks to me until I talk to them first. It’s funny I guess.

Bottomline, why am I this way? Do I have sleep apnea? Is my mattress not soft enough? Maybe it is all psychological. Maybe I am just a lazy fucking idiot. Whatever the reason, I want it to stop.

Maria Todd is a neat freak. She drives a gold BMW and gets to park in the Alley Theatre driveway when she attends a show. I guess she gives them a lot of airtime on 104 KRBE in the mornings. Anyway, she always comes to the desk, tell me has parked there, I go outside and put a pass on her windshield, and then stare into her car for about 15 minutes hoping to find something interesting.

Nothing.

I saw on the news today that, historically, this week is this most depressing week of the year. Someone actually did research on this. They figure if you add up the post holiday blues, the depths of winter, new year resolutions being broken, the holiday bills starting to roll in, debt rising, etc., then you get the most depressing week of the year.

Huh, and I thought it was just me.

I just wanted everyone to know that I think that the process of completely losing my mind has begun. The next time you hear from me, they may only let me write letters with really really dull pencils.

In life there are certain things you learn over time.

Never cut your hair when your drunk.

Never take a straight girl to a gay bar, they will get hit on more than you.

No, you can't defer your student loans until you die.

A #1 with cheese, whatasized, with a Dr. Pepper will not make your problems go away.

Making fun of people is fun; Karma is for pussies.

Never go food shopping when you're hungry, only go when you are full and on a tight budget.

Money IS everything.

If you are nice to a person just once, they seem to expect it every single time. Ug.

No matter how many channels they offer you, there is never anything to watch.

It's never a good idea to tell your bossjust exactly how hungover you are.

and

I will only accomplish about 20% of everything I ever want to do in life before I die.

In life there are certain things you learn over time.

Never cut your hair when your drunk.

Never take a straight girl to a gay bar, they will get hit on more than you.

No, you can't defer your student loans until you die.

A #1 with cheese, whatasized, with a Dr. Pepper will not make your problems go away.

Making fun of people is fun; Karma is for pussies.

Never go food shopping when you're hungry, only go when you are full and on a tight budget.

Money IS everything.

If you are nice to a person just once, they seem to expect it every single time. Ug.

No matter how many channels they offer you, there is never anything to watch.

It's never a good idea to tell your bossjust exactly how hungover you are.

and

I will only accomplish about 20% of everything I ever want to do in life before I die.